when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
