Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
