He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
