This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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