.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
