Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
