he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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