I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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