She's JV to your varsity
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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