First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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