home. puking in laundry basket.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
