false alarm. still invincible.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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