why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
