Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
