Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
