I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
