what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
pop tarts are not kleenex
Operation Purity has been aborted
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
