drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My liver just had a heart attack.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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