she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
