I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What did we do last night that was yellow?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
