somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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