Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
