We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
