Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
