ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
