O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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