please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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