I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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