I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
