i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
