My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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