i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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