i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
