So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
