Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
