I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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