She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
