she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I want to fling myself into the sun
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
