the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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