Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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