No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
