When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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