never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
