I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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