He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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