you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
