she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
