You can't motorboat a personality
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
