Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have fence marks all over my body
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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