So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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