Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am spending my child support on dildos
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
