I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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